Saturday, August 21, 2010

i am the girl without hands

My sister and I have this saying we use whenever things aren't looking too hot and life could clearly be going a little better: "It all works out when you get your hands chopped off."

We've derived this line from the Grimm's fairy tale of The Girl Without Hands. (It's not very long - you should read it.) In the story, the girl of the title gets her hands chopped off by her father, and a long string of alternate good and bad fortune befall her until, finally, it all works out. We don't do with cliched phrases around here. We make up our own.

Wednesday night, my family and I trekked up to San Antonio to go on our last summer vacation before school starts up again. That night, I realized that I had forgotten my phone charger (me: let's go baaaaaaack). Never to fear, though, because Thursday, while partaking of Fun and Amusement at an amusement park, my wallet and phone was quietly stolen from our vehicle.

It solved the problem of not being able to charge my phone quite nicely.

My wallet contained my drivers license, my student ID, a Starbucks gift card, and a credit card. Oh, and school starts Monday. No drivers license and no student ID on the first day of school? Awesome. Most upsetting - except for the loss of my phone, I mean - was the loss of the wallet itself, a vintage, purple-and-white checkered Vans number that used to be my mom's.

Dear Thieves:
You may keep my Starbucks gift card. You may sell my phone. You may have both of my IDs and my credit card, even though they are useless to you now and just an inconvenience for me. But please? Could I have my wallet back?


Fast forward a few days, and it's Saturday. I won't get my phone before Monday evening and I get to wait in line at the DMV for an indefinite period of time to get my license again.
But I have insurance on my (now gone) phone and I was running out of space anyway. I bought a freakishly cool, retro wallet AND the thieves were nice enough to not steal my purse (I like my purse). Shopping for a wallet at Whole Earth Provisions also earned me a hat. I don't know what kind of hat, but it is a hat. Generally speaking, one wears it on one's head.

And regardless of whether or not my stuff was stolen, university starts this Monday (so stoked) and my computer is still in my possession. The truck wasn't harmed in any way in the taking of this wallet and I have a really cool shirt to wear Monday. See? It all works out when you get your hands chopped off.

P.S. Apologies to those of you whose grammatical sensibilities have been offended by my slang on this post. Generally speaking, I try to keep my slang to a minimum bordering on the "a little much" side, and my words as nationally neutral as possible, but I did no such thing on this post. That's just what happens when you spend four days in San Antonio. (Not really.)


Janet said...

Aww... Sorry to hear about ur wallet... did you report that to police??? i had my purse stolen last month with all my credit cards, cash and other important stuff.... i was so pi$$ed and then was worried about identity theft... u know this identity theft has become such a common practice these days that no one is safe from it...thats a good step that you instantly called the cops and report... and God Bless my Mom who gave me this link... :) - This company was a great help! glad i've used them........

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